Sometimes family does know you best

During my recovery I slept a lot, and by a lot, I mean the first week or so I was awake at most 4 hours in a day. Granted, the sleep was pain and drug induced, and wasn't even close to refreshing.

For those not close to me, I'll let you know I am not a good sleeper. I have a very difficult time falling asleep, averaging over an hour to fall asleep, on a good night 6 hours of sleep, and run for the hills if you wake me up (because you will encounter my rage for waking me before I'm ready).... and if prematurely woken in the night, I'm usually done for and cannot fall back asleep. (Disclaimer: These rules did not apply when I was severely depressed, when I could fall asleep in an instant and sleep through anything short of a fire alarm. But being depressed wasn't exactly worth that benefit.)

Prior to the surgery I was extremely pleased with my success on a better sleep schedule, and felt like the world wasn't working against me. Much to the dismay of my loving husband, the 2+ weeks off work has royally screwed up any success I had made with my sleep schedule in the last 2.5 years we've lived together. I'm back to not falling asleep for at least 1.5 hours, and also now wake for no reason every 3.5-4 hours after falling asleep. Of course, that leaves me extremely tired while at work, and sometimes wondering if I've fallen asleep with my eyes open, sitting at my desk.

My lack of sleep, current and past, has been a source of contention in our relationship, mostly from me. As of right now, Matt is the only other person living with me, so he bears the burden if he wakes me up. He also hits the mattress and is out within 5, which makes me despise him sometimes, only because I'm jealous.

It's not that I'm not tired (I'm extremely exhausted), but it's like my brain doesn't shut off. Oh, and don't get me wrong I love sleep...if I get into a good sleep I will sleep for days if you let me. In my life I've tried everything to help: chamomile, music, sleeping pills, relaxing back scratches, etc. The emotional stress endured because of this is the excruciating part. I want want want, to fall asleep, so it feels like something is wrong with me. I don't know that I will ever overcome this, and it's extremely frustrating. I thought after the surgery, maybe my better breathing would help the sleep process, but it hasn't so far.

This leads me to the first few weeks my sister had her new baby. She said regarding the sleepless nights and constant waking for feedings and changes "I don't think Brianna will handle having a baby very well" (or something along those lines). I think she's right, so very, very right.

Sometimes your family are the ones who know you best :)

Just lowlights, but hey, I'm alive

So last Thursday (the 8th), I had my surgeries, and well, I survived. It didn't go as well as planned. For those who weren't well informed by myself (sorry), I had a tonsillectomy, a deviated septum repaired and cysts removed from my sinuses. So yes, that's 3 procedures done at one time. Well, I guess I'm a bleeder, so when I woke up the first time from the surgery I was bleeding still. All I remember is waking up coughing and choking and the anaesthesiologist getting mad at me for doing so...and thinking I can't really help it, I'm sorry!! My ENT was brought into post-op to look at me and they took me back into surgery to "clean up the bleeders". I remember being taken back in, and begging them to tell Matt where I was.

Waking up the second time was much more gruesome. Not only did the second round of anaesthetics within 6 hours make me very ill, I had swallowed a lot of my own blood after the first waking. (no wonder he was mad at me). I was puking up blood like it was nobody's business and had really high blood pressure. I had to really beg them to bring in Matt (and my Mom who was now in the waiting room). I think they finally gave in, hoping their presence would lower my blood pressure. It didn't, but I felt better having them there. I really don't remember much else besides my poor Husband and Mother trading off catching the blood in those little bean-shaped trays they give you for vomiting. They even gave me anti-nausea meds through my IV, but combined with my blood pressure, they admitted me overnight. (so I'm told...I only remember that I kept complaining about throwing up blood and the blood pressure cuff being way too tight, then being wheeled down a really long hallway into a room).

My Mom stayed overnight with me (as she is experienced with sleeping in hospitals), so Matt could go home and get some rest, since he'd be dealing with me for the next week. The night was rough, and painful, and IVs really are a pain! Every time I needed to get up to go to the bathroom I had to page the nurse to become unhooked from everything and drag the IV in there.

The next day I went home (finally!). And the next several days were lots of sleeping and trying to keep drinking liquids, even though my throat felt like someone took a sander to it, and swallowing felt like something I'd never done before. Monday's check-up was good at the doc's, even had an egg mcmuffin for brunch...then came Tuesday (shudders). Matt had to go back to work and the morning started okay with a smoothie, pills and water....but midway through the day I got very nauseated, and threw up. I was miserable and after a few hours of intense pain I gave in an called Matt to come home. EVERYYTHING I got in me, came back up that day/night and we had to call the doctor who called in and anti-nausea suppository (yes folks, grown ups have to use them too!) at midnight. It helped knock me out and the next day I was better.

The last few days have been painful as the scabs in my throat are falling off, but I've been doing okay. Lots of painkillers and sleeping. I went in again today and the doctor cleaned a lot of the gunk out of my nose, so I can breathe through it finally, but talking is very difficult. I have lost my sense of taste, but he assures me it will return soon, now that I can breathe through my nose. Let's hope so! I really like the taste of food, and would hope that I never lose it permanently!

I must say that I married a very patient and caring man who has taken very good care of me this last week plus! Thank you! I love you!

And to my Mom: I'm glad you were there to help me and Matt out with settling me in. Thank you! I love you!

To both: thank you for catching the blood I puked up, only true loved ones (or paid nurses) would put up with such a gruesome task and I will love you guys for your compassion in my time of complete need :)

I must go for now, as the pain killer is wearing off and the new one I will take will subsequently knock me out for the next hour at least! But I just wanted to give the details and update in case you don't hear it through the grapevine :)

Acting Brave

Today we gathered with my family for breakfast at the Belgian Waffle in Midvale. Dakota was her charming self & Clinton a little bit cranky, both quite impatient for food. We ordered Clinton their "Garbage Hash" and he loved it (even though it had peppers and mushrooms in it). It's surprising the things he eats now. On Christmas Eve I tried feeding him walnuts, which he loved and ate without complaint! At the care center they feed him prunes, and he loves them. Sometimes I forget, just like I grew up into liking certain things, so does he.

After breakfast, Matt and I headed downtown to go see Body Worlds 3. It was crowded, but having the right connections (i.e. a Mom who works there) got us through all the lines quicker. Matt had wanted to go for months now, but I had been really hesitant to go. The whole idea that these bodies were real people, creeped me out and made me very squeamish just thinking about it. But I braved up, like a real grown up would do, and we went to the exhibit.

I will tell you that it was really awe inspiring, but I still couldn't keep by stomach from twisting or shake the heeby-jeebies feeling from my back. I could handle the individual body parts just fine, it was the whole bodies posed that freaked me out, even once I was in there, but I acted brave and practiced my breathing methods so I didn't have an anxiety attack. The embryo room was amazing, but very sad (and they do state that to the best of their knowledge, none of them were ones that could be saved). I will say, the displays of all the arterial systems were the coolest things I ever saw. They preserve the arterial system first then dissolve the surrounding organs and/or tissue, and they end up with a complete map of the arterial system from that area. It's amazing how many blood vessels the human body has, and that they are in almost every space of the body.

So, I acted brave and got through it (but I won't lie and say I wasn't unabashedly glad to be out of there)!

I wonder how often parents must have to act brave to make their children feel at ease, when really they are scared or squeamish of something so trivial and silly like this?

I can't really act surprised...can I?!?!?

This year for New Year's Eve (as most years), we stayed in and celebrated in the warmth of our own house, watching the various countdown shows, and doing puzzles....because, well, we are lame like that...but we're okay with it. This year, I was actually enticed to go party, but with my surgery next week, I can't really risk getting sick.

With a minute left in 2008, we went out front on our porch, tried to decide what to follow- our cell phone clocks or the TV-and ended up counting down with the TV. We toasted, I with my champagne and Matt with his beer; then we kissed.

We had some spraklers to celebrate with (the heavy duty kind). I couldn't get mine to light and was holding the lighter quite close, so when it did light the flash burn took a quarter-sized layer of skin off..not bad, but painful. So there you have it, a minute into 2009 and my accident-prone self was injured! I can't really act surprised can I?!?!?