Sometimes family does know you best

During my recovery I slept a lot, and by a lot, I mean the first week or so I was awake at most 4 hours in a day. Granted, the sleep was pain and drug induced, and wasn't even close to refreshing.

For those not close to me, I'll let you know I am not a good sleeper. I have a very difficult time falling asleep, averaging over an hour to fall asleep, on a good night 6 hours of sleep, and run for the hills if you wake me up (because you will encounter my rage for waking me before I'm ready).... and if prematurely woken in the night, I'm usually done for and cannot fall back asleep. (Disclaimer: These rules did not apply when I was severely depressed, when I could fall asleep in an instant and sleep through anything short of a fire alarm. But being depressed wasn't exactly worth that benefit.)

Prior to the surgery I was extremely pleased with my success on a better sleep schedule, and felt like the world wasn't working against me. Much to the dismay of my loving husband, the 2+ weeks off work has royally screwed up any success I had made with my sleep schedule in the last 2.5 years we've lived together. I'm back to not falling asleep for at least 1.5 hours, and also now wake for no reason every 3.5-4 hours after falling asleep. Of course, that leaves me extremely tired while at work, and sometimes wondering if I've fallen asleep with my eyes open, sitting at my desk.

My lack of sleep, current and past, has been a source of contention in our relationship, mostly from me. As of right now, Matt is the only other person living with me, so he bears the burden if he wakes me up. He also hits the mattress and is out within 5, which makes me despise him sometimes, only because I'm jealous.

It's not that I'm not tired (I'm extremely exhausted), but it's like my brain doesn't shut off. Oh, and don't get me wrong I love sleep...if I get into a good sleep I will sleep for days if you let me. In my life I've tried everything to help: chamomile, music, sleeping pills, relaxing back scratches, etc. The emotional stress endured because of this is the excruciating part. I want want want, to fall asleep, so it feels like something is wrong with me. I don't know that I will ever overcome this, and it's extremely frustrating. I thought after the surgery, maybe my better breathing would help the sleep process, but it hasn't so far.

This leads me to the first few weeks my sister had her new baby. She said regarding the sleepless nights and constant waking for feedings and changes "I don't think Brianna will handle having a baby very well" (or something along those lines). I think she's right, so very, very right.

Sometimes your family are the ones who know you best :)