Now all I have to do is empty the sink trap

In the months I spent planning the wedding, I spent a lot of time on a Craigslist wedding forum. I got to know a lot of the girls on there pretty well (as well as you can know people who hang out in forums using pseudonym handles-which what you call screen names in forums). We discussed ideas, helped each other find deals, and sometimes discussed our grievances about our FHs (future husbands). It was there I was taught a very important lesson about relationships, that has saved me some aggrivation and frustration (hopefully making me a better spouse, even if just a little).

There was a day recently that I arrived home, and Matt had taken the initiative to clear our coffee/dining table off. Yes, it is our dining table too. If you've been to our apartment you know it wasn't built to have 2 people co-habitate, and for sure not to have space for a real table. (have you seen our one-butt kitchen, with 2 sq feet of counter space and oddly short cupboards? As in only one butt can fit in there at a time it's so tiny...). It looked nice and clean, and the front room was all picked up as well. My first thought was "and you didn't vacuum the floor because???". But I caught myself and thought back to this story told by one of the girls in the forum.

Jane noticed a pattern when Jack (her FH) did the dishes. He would wash them, dry them, even put them away...clean off the counters....but forget to empty the sink trap. She would get mad and tell him, it wasn't really cleaning up the kitchen if he didn't finish the job. She was frustrated, because no matter how many times she told him to please empty the trap, he never did. She realized after a few months that getting upset about it wasn't getting her anywhere. And, afterall, she felt bad because he was doing something nice by giving her a clean kitchen to come home to after her 10-12 hour work days. She realized he was just trying to make life easier for her, because she worked so much more than him. She decided to change her view to the proverbial glass is half full. The next time she came home to clean dishes and a dirty sink trap, she thought, "Sweet, now all I have to do is empty the sink trap!".


Since I was told that story I've tried to keep it a mantra in the back of my mind. So the night I came home to a clean table....I caught myself before I chastised him for not vacuuming, as my second thought immediately following was "now all I have to do is empty the sink trap". Because, after all, Matt was just trying to make my day easier knowing I was exhausted from being back at work. (I think I did say I'd vacuum, but haven't gotten to it yet...because of the combination of my laziness and tax return filing frying my brain).

I'm not perfect, and this doesn't happen every time, but I hope that this baby step is something that becomes a habit.